Quiet Thursdays
It’s been a busy but quiet couple of days. This is my first week of being unemployed and I’ve found that I mostly enjoy the extra time. The real trouble kicks in when I do not choose to be productive with the time I have been granted and it usually results in my being frustrated with myself for not being active, not running, not cleaning, not job searching, not praying. These last few days, however, have been packed.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and trying not to go crazy. Not working sets me at out of sorts, but also suddenly I have more time for everything and I don’t have to leave community group early to get enough sleep for work. Last week, at the urging of the Holy Spirit, I realized that over the past eleven months of my living here, I had built my life around work. I was trying so hard to be responsible and struggling to be someone my parents would be proud of (ehm, responsible?) that I have missed out on what God actually had in store for me. I had failed him in dedicating time for Him in my busy work week and I had withdrawn into my own little world where work reigned instead of God. I worried about work; I was incredibly upset when my boss, whom I worked to please, got upset at me for not being perfect in every way (for mistaking a comma for a period?). I have been reading “The Pursuit of God” by AW Tozer and he has a lot to say about the blessedness of owning nothing. There was a section that refered to Abraham’s sacrifice of his son, cutting the idol from his heart. I remember weeks ago asking God to do the same. I just didn’t anticipate that I had built a “shrine” in my heart to my work, striving for my boss not for God, spending my time thinking about, worrying about, talking about work. And here I am, no job to fill that spot, and more time to spend in prayer and Bible reading, in fulfilling other responsibilities without getting wrapped up in myself. I am looking forward to this time for growth.
Other encouraging notes of the past few days: I received a phone call from a company that I had interviewed with back in February when I was still employed and just looking around. My friend who works there had notified them that I was out of work. The phone call came out of the blue and was an offer of two weeks of temp work plus the possibility of doing some on-call work for them later. Can anyone say, praise God! I go in for a few hours today and then full-time for the next two weeks.
Note to self: Don’t start writing a blog while something is in the oven. *sigh* crispy sandwich for lunch anyone?
Searches
My work initiated a series of layoffs, excuse me, Reductions in Force (RIF) as my manager stated very emphatically, not layoffs. On Thursday this week, ten people lost their jobs, including myself. I was pulled aside with the other admin and informed “We are doing RIFs today; you two are both involved.” *Sigh*. I knew that it was coming down the road, although I expected the company to perhaps go under first. So, now I am back to job searching, just perhaps a little more intensely.
A writing or editing job would be fantastic; however, most of the positions that I have found are closer to Admin jobs. The ones I am applying for are less “reception” focused, however, which is nice.
Burning Cash
I walked down Alaskan way toward work this morning and noticed that a news crew was setting up just a few feet away from the Port of Seattle building, where I work. Closer inspection revealed a cop car, police tape, two officers, and black flaky piles hanging over the edge of the POS’s sidewalk. Apparently, around 4:30 this morning, some genius decided to burn the ATM installed in the corner of my building, near the street. Since it is difficult to get plastic to catch on fire, he/she decided to load the tray with old magazines to fuel the flame. Unfortunately for the individual (who has not yet been apprehended), there were witnesses and video cameras in the vicinity. Additionally, there were people inside the Port of Seattle building, which escalates this crime to a felony (setting fire to a building with people inside).
Most of the damage (i.e. the chunks of black lying on the sidewalk) was done by the fire department in their attempt to put out the flames before the building caught fire. A detective stopped by my office this morning to assure me that the perpetrator would be caught and to inform me that since our actual offices are a bit down from where the fire took place, he decided not to call us at four in the morning to report the fire, a choice that I am certain individuals in my offices appreciated. Wish I had brought my camera to document the mess!
Who burns an ATM anyhow?
The Rain Returns
After a beautiful weekend of sunshine, the rain is threatening to conquor Seattle’s skies once more. There were patches of brightness and warmth throughout today, but tomorrow promises rain and, indeed, the ground is already damp with it this evening.
Pandora is gently singing uplifting melodies as I sit in the dark sipping warm vanilla milk. I know not what the morning will bring except for water from the skies, according to the weatherman.
Updates from my Life:
Hiked Rattlesnake Ledge for the first time on Sunday with M&D and Heidi. The new hiking boots were great and saved me stubbed toes. No Rattlesnakes, but I did see a Garter snake… a little one. and lots of children… that should count for something.
My most recent MRI came out clear again. Praise God! I appreciate the prayers. Each time the set time approaches and the date on the calendar looms before me, my stomach begins to clench and my mind imagines… what if? What if it is back? What then? I, apparently, am wonderful at A. borrowing trouble and B. failing to trust in the sovereignty of God. Pastor Mark pointed out in his sermon this week how pride and anxiety were connected. It’s a sin I know I struggle with. The Doc said it all looked good and gave me a few tests… you know the ones… follow finger, remember these words, clench your fists…can you smile evenly? I passed by sitting there the whole time quietly quoting the words back to myself so I could remember them when she wanted to hear them. Now, I only recall that one of them was Penny.
Goodnight for now. If I could see the moon behind the clouds, I would wish it goodnight too.
The Fresh Scent of Change
Made it home this evening before it started raining. I could see the dark clouds piling up just over the hill as I drove down 24th. Have you ever smelled the rain coming? I have not noticed as distinct an aroma in Seattle, but in South Carolina, there was always a strong, fresh scent just before a storm. Seattle surprised me today and even offered a few half-hearted grumbles of thunder, as if to remind me that it too could hold a few of my favored aspects of the South.
Change is coming; it was in the air today, as thick and heady as the scent of the coming storm. My manager pulled me aside today to have a little talk in her office (never a good sign). The topic, unfortunately, mostly involved discussing a particular area of work in which I have not been sufficiently thorough. This has been a common, repeated topic over the past three weeks and one I will hear again come time for performance reviews. Definitely an area I need to work on. My manager also stated that she felt as if she were not doing a good job mentoring me or providing me with necessary feedback. However, instead of discussing how we could improve this, she has decided that I will no longer report to her. I will, come Monday of next week, be reporting to the HR Manager.
I know that I have been praying about my current work situation and this does not resolve my question of the stability of the company. However, this is a change and I am hoping that it will have a positive outcome. I just have to pull through this week, make it through performance reviews, and then settle into a new pattern of work-life, no longer reporting to the President.
The rain is pinging on the skylight; I am putting a heating pad on my sore neck (don’t know how I pulled that muscle yesterday) and enjoying the quiet symphony of sound.
The Beginning
Hello and welcome to my blog!
In the following posts I hope to capture dreams and ideas, as well as include some snippets of my writing for you to read. Hopefully, I will also be able to post images of my sewing/quilting projects. My latest being a fish quilt for my artistic friend Lydia and a messanger bag with appliqued bananas.
As I post my blogs here, I hope you will join me for this journey of life and laughter, sober moments and the expression of ideas.
